The Phrases given by A Father Which Saved Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"I think I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the truth quickly turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct statement "You're not in a good place. You require some help. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider inability to talk among men, who still absorb negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a display of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to take a respite - taking a short trip away, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "bad choices" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - a good diet, staying active and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."