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The current year represents a full decade since the term “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an commonly fruitless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive glossary to the phrases Zoomers is using to navigate love, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who forgo having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: embracing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal traits indicating a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks validate your decision to date a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any feelings of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful act.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {